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Just purchased our 1st house (me the Mrs. And the boy) after renting for about 15 years we made the jump on to a nice piece of property, after moving all of the contents in the house there was the dreaded shed...I kept saying I'd move it fully knowing that the Mrs would blow a gasket after seeing all my fly gear ( single hand gear as well as two handed gear) and sure enough I got off work late and their that were with all the boxes of flies, coats, waders/boots, bags and of course rod tubes all layer out on the lawn. Dang, I'm told I'm cut off for a while but how many folks have run into this scenario? Kinda funny, never seemed like that much while it was sitting up on the selves and out of the way
 

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Oh ya, my wife gives me the death look even if I'm just looking at online shops or catalogs. Everything time I get a new piece of gear she's saying what was wrong with what I already have. She's got a point, but I can't help it. It's to the point where I consider full on power point presentations to help explain why I need more. I always explain to newbies with spouses that this is just inevitable. I guess that's fishing for you.
 

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A loose confederation

Chief, does your wife have her own independent interests and activities, independent of you? Most couples do, and should. Not everything that husbands and wives do is part of the marriage. Instead of formulating power point presentations, just say "I love you, but my fishing is none of your business."

And in time, your sex life will probably resume.:devil:
 

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Hello.. Definitively one of my, if not THE, favourite topics. Sorry, if you ask me, it´s not about the tackle, or money.. You make, and spend your own, don´t you? If NOT, please read no further, I´m not dealing with that here. Different problem.. So, you´ve spent your hardearned ones on that rod that you, long time ago, realized you got to have. Ask you fishing pals, they realize it, too. Walking up towards your house, there she comes, the Queen. No, it´s nothing official, just her state of mind. More of that later.. With her comes her reaction... Silent, or outspoken, loud..
Finally, you go into the tackleroom ( You DO have a such, no??) put on your favourite, matched reel, and you want to go fishing, preferably now, don´t you?? Stop the film here!! Back down to her reaction, there on the lawn.. When was the last time you had it? Wasn´t about tackle then, was it?? No,it was last week, when you told her you were going down to Ernie, and the other boys, to watch the GAME!! Two completely different subjects, SAME REACTION!! Football and steelhead has NOTHING in common!
As we see it.. Maybe the Queen has another view?? IF you ask me, ANY move that makes you spend less time with her ( NO matter what!!) is a offence to her!! The QUEEN, mind you. SHE´S you first choice, no matter what. And you, silly sod, prefers to take that silly stick, and go to the river with ERNIE!! What about HER?! You´re proooving to her, and it´s veeery easily done, that she´s no longer your ever-first choice! Egocentric?? You BET!! AND??
They are different. You do not have to conform, no. Tell her about what you´ve read here, but cover the point, the way wimmen speak themselves.. She´ll hate you first, the bad conscious turns in (she knows you´re right, but WHO told him..) and then she´ll love you more, physically and mentally.. Why?? You have obviously spent time thinking about HER, and not about silly sticks. Makes some impact on her egocentric mind, huh??
Tell her you´re going fishing, and tell her that you love her. This is naturally fundamental. Then you whisper what you´re going to do with her when you come home.. That is naturally essential.
Nooksack Mac, you have, I´m sorry to say, a point. Wanna find out?? Join a matching/dating site. Tell the Queen that you are, do not forget. I tell you, that here in Sweden, the most emancipated place on earth, I reckon 85 out of 100 wimmen will tell you that their interest lays in children, housing, homing and travelling to a warm and sunny place for a vacation.. A horse could possibly butt in, eventually.. Doesn´t give you the best basis for understanding for any addiction someone else might have for a hobby, does it??
They are different.. don´t forget... Yours borano20
 

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My wife came into the man room a while back and open the rod closet. :whoa: She said, "there is a lot of crap in there". I told her, "what are you doing, that is off limits to you". :razz::hihi: Her reply was, "I don't understand why you need so many and walked away".

Last week I went on a 3 day trip shad fishing. She told me she didn't want me to go. I told her that I haven't had the time to fish all year, with work and house remodeling and it was a much needed trip.

Borano, I love it. :chuckle: Sounds like my queen for sure.


Dan
 

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. A horse could possibly butt in, eventually.. Doesn´t give you the best basis for understanding for any addiction someone else might have for a hobby, does it??
They are different.. don´t forget... Yours borano20
Right there- Horse. Even-steven.
 

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At the risk of sounding a bit crass , I've always found this scenario a hair pathetic.
:roll:
I've worked at several fly shops over the years and have witnessed countless forms of espionage to keep purchases from significant others.
I can't overstate this , in one instance a co-worker left a voice mail message that a special ordered rod had arrived and the ensuing blow-up from the customer because his wife didn't know about it was nothing short of epic.
It actually initiated a policy to leave only name and number voice mails to counter
any future similar reactions . Guys routinely keep old beat up rod cases in their vehicles to disguise new rod purchases when they arrive home .
Have goods delivered to work or friends homes . I even know of a guy that went halves on a drift boat to keep it from his wife . p a t h e t i c
When I was first married I was given what has been the best advice I've heard to date about finances. Separate accounts.
I buy my goods with my money and meet responsibilities likewise.
She doesn't have a say on what I buy....period.
Then of course theirs the old joke that when I die my bride will sell my equipment for what I told her I paid for it .
On the other hand it helps that she knows I am a wheeler dealer and a local jeweler also fly fishes .
Full disclosure gents.... just gotta maintain that DTI ( domestic tranquility index )
;)
 

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I avoid moving!

Just purchased our 1st house (me the Mrs. And the boy) after renting for about 15 years we made the jump on to a nice piece of property, after moving all of the contents in the house there was the dreaded shed...I kept saying I'd move it fully knowing that the Mrs would blow a gasket after seeing all my fly gear ( single hand gear as well as two handed gear) and sure enough I got off work late and their that were with all the boxes of flies, coats, waders/boots, bags and of course rod tubes all layer out on the lawn. Dang, I'm told I'm cut off for a while but how many folks have run into this scenario? Kinda funny, never seemed like that much while it was sitting up on the selves and out of the way
Have you ever noticed the word 'move' is a ''four letter word?"

Couple of random thoughts; moving really is a pain in the butt.

Get a handful of the wide tip black marker pens and write down on all FOUR sides of the box what's in it.

If you can access the property a few days prior to the move go over and draw a floor plan so you've got a good idea where things go as you move in. Pay particular attention to the Kitchen ... that room is a pain to figure out where things are now going to go.

Toss in three rolls of toilet paper in your car or truck RIGHT NOW. ;) Those are the first thing that go in the door.:smokin:
 

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I'm with Jake on this: I make it, I'll spend it as I please. My avocation for fishing keeps me sane in an insane world, it's cheaper than therapy, and unlike therapy it has resale value;)

One suggestion I'd add though, is this: Kevlar boxers. With steel reinforcement if she's a "kicker".:chuckle:

'course, you could take Fred's suggestion a bit further and label all your gear boxes "office supplies" and "tax records".;)
 

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Hello.. The need for your own money.. sure that´s fundamental. Let´s just say.. my analysis is correct.. She knows that accusing you for spending isn´t really a good idea. The risk of a sudden bounceback, one day, is obvious. Even to her.. I could, if arm was twisted, fish one doublehander in some 90% of my situations. So could you. Your queen could therefore do with on piece of makeup, and a single bottle of hair dye. Arm twisted, no problem!! Maybe you should ask her about that. Most likely, she´ll give you a stupid, gliding answer. DON´T give up!! Ask her again, and again.. "Well, your fishing equipment IS more expensive than my makeup", but we already know whose money you´re spending, don´t we?? Is the simple reason, that in a womans egocentric world, tackle isn´t important, while makeup is?? All this garbage she throws in your face, is it just a coverup for the REAL reason??
Everytime you bring home a new rod, or a line, or just something new for the tackle room, she will revolt. It´s not the spending( you paid yourself ), or the need ( she CANNOT judge.. ) , so what?? It only gives you an excuse to call Ernie to try out this new piece, whatever, and leave her alone at home. It leaves her with the feeling of being exposed, and unsafe, alone at home, possibly with children, but they cannot protect her. But you can. But you just left for the river with "that.. stupid Ernie.." Or left for that game-of-the-year.. to Ernie´s place.. You. left. her.
Is there hope?? Good question.. Don´t show her this message!! Nor my earlier!! Throw her these ideas, but make sure it sounds like it´s something you´ve thought about at work.. or maybe better still, when you come home from the river. Standing in the river, trying out some new pieces of tackle, coming home and telling her, not about that rod, line or other pieces of the crap you bring home..( Her point of view, not mine, or yours ), and standing there, you were thinking of HER wellbeing!!
When do you think SHE was concerned about your wellbeing?? Asking if your waders are leaking, or so?? Did it EVER happen?? From a complete egocentric??
So, is there hope?? You all know that change must come from inside. Nudge or push her bad consciousness is a good way, if you ask me. Forcing your ideas is the worst thing to do, just creates more, and still more, friction.. Keep the friction to your anchoring point instead.. Yours boreano20
 

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Guys I'm sorry but this is nuts!!! My wife could tell you what I paid for every big ticket item I have, if I buy something we discuss it and if it is not a good time for the family I don't. Usually when I get something special she reserves the right to do the same when she wants, it's a PARTNERSHIP give and take. My wife also understands that I NEED to fish, I can't count how many times she says "you're driving me nuts, isn't it about time for a fishing trip?" I make the money and she cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, etc. Does that really make it MY money that she doesn't have a say in? Hell no, I could never do her job.... I'm not trying to stir things up I'm just surprised I guess, either way I am grateful for the post as I have been reminded how fortunate I am.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Blown out of the H2O

Yeah I agree, I posted it because how many of us up and pull the stings and move to a new place and sit back and say "man how did I manage to collect all this?" I ave seen stuff that I was looking for about two years ago and forgot I was looking for it. I now have a larger location and lots of room for shelving so I can hopefuly find it the next time I want it. Nothing to with the Mrs getting up set about what I have or how much it costs because she has the same password that I do to get into the bank info and knows that if I had the opportunity to enojy myself doing what I love then do it, more so about the mass of stuff that can add up. Its all good and fun, tight lines folks
 

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Now that I can agree with completely! We moved to Oregon from Alaska exactly one year ago, we sold everything besides 1 car, 9 suitcases of clothes, a 700 lb pallet of sentimentals, and of course most all fishing gear. It was amazing how much stuff we had! I think the crazier part is how much we have acquired since then!

I do see your point though, even though my wife is a part of most all purchases she does walk in my tying room once in a while and just shake her head "where does all this come from??"
 

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shoes. how many different pairs does one need? basically 4. wading boots, sz 12 for waders. wading boots, sz 11 for wet wading. sandals for summer, and wet wading. hiking boots, for all other occasions. all of our nice shoes dont count, those are for her. when SHE wants you to wear them ! how often do we chose to wear them ourselves ? never !

"honey, can i have some money to buy a new rod ?" "NO, the bathroom needs remodeling. what do you need another damn fishing pole for anyway?" "well, i guess i can make do without gas for my lawn mower for awhile, that'll cover the cost, and we can have both ! " "see honey, i really am willing to make sacrifices !"
 

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Guys I'm sorry but this is nuts!!! My wife could tell you what I paid for every big ticket item I have, if I buy something we discuss it and if it is not a good time for the family I don't. Usually when I get something special she reserves the right to do the same when she wants, it's a PARTNERSHIP give and take. My wife also understands that I NEED to fish, I can't count how many times she says "you're driving me nuts, isn't it about time for a fishing trip?" I make the money and she cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, etc. Does that really make it MY money that she doesn't have a say in? Hell no, I could never do her job.... I'm not trying to stir things up I'm just surprised I guess, either way I am grateful for the post as I have been reminded how fortunate I am.
I agree with you Josh, marriage is a partnership. Likewise my wife is in on most of my purchases, except for perhaps a few of my cheapskate impulse buys which are of little consequence and often bought with what little mad money I may have.

After 24 years of marriage, Wendi has done a great job of putting up with a steelhead fanatic like me and likewise understands my need to get out, especially when she sees the glazed look of a guy obsessed with getting steelhead on top when surface fishing is good.

Wendi has often blessed me beyond my hopes and dreams, like when I was squirreling money away for my drift boat and before even coming close to being able to afford one from my calculations, she tells me, "I've got this covered, go shopping for a boat". She's also supported my trips to BC and surprised me with generous gifts of gear she knew I was wanting at the time.

I am grateful for what I have and value the gear I have been blessed with, perhaps the reason I hold on to stuff.

Todd
 

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I'm with Josh and Todd on this. Our family is a partnership and we have sacrificed to purchase some big ticket items for the children, like musical instruments and college educations. We discuss big purchases and she is supportive. An allowance permits me to purchase smaller items such as fly-tying supplies or save up for larger purchases such as waders or rods. As I've posted in other threads, I also sell some of the gear that I have accumulated but am not using. She laughs at that and has even brought some stuff out for me to sell on Craigslist. A partnership works best in the long run.

Mark
 

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Marriage counseling on Spey Pages. I wish you guys had done this a few years ago. Who knows I might still be married!!:chuckle:
 

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Marriage counseling on Spey Pages. I wish you guys had done this a few years ago. Who knows I might still be married!!:chuckle:
yah, me too. divorced 25 years or so. finally found the right girl for me.
we have a great partnership too. she helps with the dishes, never wants a new pair of shoes, likes it when i bring home strange women, and when it comes to fishing, she never disagrees ;)
 

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I get the impression that several of you guys perceived that I don't have a partnership with my bride . If so, your inference is inaccurate. My post defined hiding purchases from my bride was pathetic .
While we do keep separate accounts , we discuss major purchases as a team , but let's be clear . A fly rod isn't a major purchase . Nor is a reel.
A boat, yes . In fact we just recently passed on a travel trailer that I thought was a smoking deal but , alas , not a priority .
I also clearly stated " full disclosure " was the best course of action .
My wife read this thread and laughed out loud. I've been telling her for years how rare she is in this exact regard but I guess she didn't believe me.
I also stated that I meet my responsibilities likewise from my own account. We both do.
So yes I make and spend my money how I want , so does she,
but she's the first to see my purchases as they arrive . And nobody wants for anything in my house, ever.
For our 5th wedding anniversary , wood by the way , she had a custom made pair of fir oars for my drift boat delivered to my work .
One of our favorite inside jokes in our marriage is our helpless shrug when friends ask us , in all earnestness mind you , "why we LET the other do any of things we do ?" SERIOUSLY !!?!:roll:
For kicks I counted my rods and reels this morning , even I'm disgusted .
But momma knows about every last one of them and wouldn't dream of influencing me in any way . :cool:
 
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